When I was in 11th grade, I showed up at a school sports banquet wearing regular school clothes. I walked into the banquet room and realized everyone was super dressed up. The girls were wearing nice dresses & skirts and the guys were wearing suits and slacks.
I didn't know.
I didn't know you're supposed to dress up for a sports banquet.
Immediately I ran out of the banquet room and waved down my dad, (who had dropped me off) just as he was about to drive out of the parking lot. I opened the passenger door, plopped down in the seat and slammed the door closed. I told my dad to take me home.
I just sat there staring at the dashboard.
How did everyone else know to dress up? I saw the announcements. I saw the invitation. I never saw a single word that we should dress up. Why was I the only weirdo who didn't know? As we drove home, my dad asked me what happened. I told him that everyone was dressed up and I didn't know we were supposed to dress up.
I don't think he knew what to say. We both just sat there quietly. After a few minutes, he apologized and explained that he & my mom didn't know either. I could tell he felt dumb too. Then he gave me a little pep talk about how being new often times makes it difficult to know what to expect. Since we had just moved there, this was my first school function at this particular school. Everyone else had probably already been to a few similar banquets and they knew what to expect.
But I didn't.
When I was a freshmen college, I had been working on a group project with several other class mates and we were the first group to present our work to the rest of the class. When I got to class that day, I was wearing my standard athletic gear (running shoes, hat & everything) as I had every day the whole semester. My fellow group members were dressed in their very best.
I didn't know.
I didn't know you're supposed to wear a business suit for a group presentation in college.
Unfortunately, my dad wasn't there waiting on me to reassure me that being new often times makes it difficult to know what to expect. This was my first college presentation and for some reason, everyone else knew what to expect.
But I didn't.
Today, my oldest kid apparently had an actual preschool graduation while at school. I was not there. Now, don't rush to judgment just yet. This was a regular day at school. There were no special caps & gowns. The only mention of anything related to the idea of a graduation was a little sentence in the weekly newsletter that said something like this, "The kids will get their diplomas on Wednesday during class."
Apparently that is code for: "On Wednesday, please come to Zachary's class at 11:30, along with all the other parents, to attend an official ceremonial time where we line up all the children and say some special words about every student and present each one with a diploma. If you're not there, your child will be the only one who doesn't have a parent in attendance and it will devastate him for life. Also, please be sure your child dresses up because all the other kids will be dressed up and your child will look ridiculous and feel just as bad. Also, if you don't show up, we will have someone come to your car during carpool line and hesitantly ask you if there's been some kind of misunderstanding. To which you'll give a confused look and your child will look up at you with his big beautiful brown eyes and say, 'Mommy, where were you?'"
I didn't know.
I didn't know this was an actual formal celebration of preschool success.
Don't feel bad for me. I'm a grown mother. Motherhood requires ESP, genius-level IQs and the ability to know the future. I should have been there. I should have asked. But I didn't. And I missed it. Because I didn't know.
When we got in the car, I asked him about it. He started to tell me a bunch of silly things that happened and what things his teacher said about everyone. He was super proud of what she said about him and smiled really big when he told me. I told him I'm sorry I wasn't there. He smiled and said, "It's ok mommy," and I think he really meant it.
In life, I've learned that sometimes there are things you need to know. And sometimes, you don't know the things you need to know. And sometimes, the only way you learn the things you need to know is by messing up because you didn't know. And from then on, you'll know the things you need to know.